The pain that has stopped me working

Through life’s journey you come across personalities that have a major effect on you. Usually these are family that you have known all of your life but sometimes they have been part of your world for a short time and had a major impact on you.

Dawn Petschel was one such person and it was a shock to get a call from her son on my birthday to let me know that she had passed away and I was required by the family at Dawns request to speak at her funeral. I wasn’t sure I was the one that should do it as I only knew her for five years, surely there were others that would do a better job. But when told that it was her wish I had to do it.

I prepared the speech while in Melbourne with the family for my birthday and set out for Rainbow the day before the funeral. Everything was going to plan until we arrived.

My little Chihuahua Bam Bam  (Al Carbonero) was first to the back door of the car when we arrived and I lifted him out to go for a wee. He suddenly rushed back to me and I picked him up. His heart was pounding and he was very stressed, it was eight o’clock in the evening and I sat with him trying to comfort and calm him but to no avail there was no vet to go to and just before midnight he passed away in my arms. I had lost my best friend, constant companion and comforter that had ridden the ups and downs with me for the past nine years. He may have been small, but he knew just what to do when he saw that I was feeling down. He would climb into my arms stand up and look me in the eyes with a look of it will be OK and then lay down and cuddle into me. A silent act but it said it all.

The emotional pain was intense as I struggled with his loss and was still carrying him in my arms at two o’clock in the morning. How was I going to cope at the funeral with this double loss in my life.

Somehow I managed and got through Dawns funeral with his little body lying on my pyjamas waiting for me. I couldn’t bury him so I made a tomb for him but months later I have not recovered from his loss. He was too young to go and I still needed his ever present comfort.

This is the reason I have not been able to put up new posts and stories this year.  Only now am I able to write this but not without a tear in my eye. I am hoping to get back into it again in 2016 but I will never forget my little champion.

BamBam happy web

This is Bam enjoying a run in the sand at Lake Hindmarsh a few months earlier something he loved to do..

2015-07-28 12.39.46

Bam is at rest in his tomb. He is lying on my pyjamas with his chin on his favourite teddy between his paws.